Angels Would Fall
by Static Prose
Summary: 2+1 Shounen ai. This is a fanfic to Melissa Etheridge's Angels Would Fall. I wrote it, because my computer just got fixed after nearly 4 months, and I wanted to see if I still had the ability. I think I do. My mother cried when she read this story. N


Konban wa! (Good evening!) Actually, it's 2:30am, but still... I've finally gotten my computer fixed. FINALLY! So, now this is my first story I'm going to write, just to see if I can still do it. I hope I can. This song, "Angels Would Fall," is done by Melissa Etheridge. I needed to cheer myself up tonight, so this story, unlike all of my others, has a moral to it! Well, here it is:

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Gundam W is copyrighted by Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsou and some other companies that I just don't feel like mentioning. Companies suck! **,** Anywho, don't sue. You won't get any of my money! My moola is my moola, and no one elses'! Oh, and "Angels Would Fall," the lyrics, the vocals, the acoustic guitar, and the CD, Breakdown, is copyrighted by Melissa Etheridge, the most kick-ass lesbian out there. (But Ellen Degeneres is the funniest! ^_^)

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Warnings: 2+1 Shounen ai. Fluff and angst. My fave! Mentions two boys "making love," but nothing graphic. Only a kiss. This story is super sweet, and may cause a toothache. Have some orajel handy. Or, baby orajel, if you must. Even something for a fever blister would work fine. Or ice.

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*lyrics* = lyrics

*story* = story

I woke up this morning, and you were gone. Had you ever come back last night? I remember our fight. I remember screaming at you so loud. I had never been angry like that before. How can you make me so angry? How can you, of all people, get underneath my skin enough that you make me feel anything? Whether it be anger, fear, hurt, even jealousy. You make me feel it Duo. You're like the rope that I would hang myself with, should I want to die. I can do nothing without you.

The rope that's wrapped around me

Is cutting through my skin

Who was that girl, anyway? Why were you talking to her like that? Why were you leaning in so close? Touching her shoulder so tenderly. Then her face. Why do you never touch me like that? Are you afraid of me? Afraid I will hurt you if you get to close? I won't hurt you, Duo. When you said you loved me, how was I to believe? How many people have you said that to in your lifetime? Did you mean it with each and every person, or do you just play these games with people? I'm not good with games. I don't play around. Everything I feel, I feel for real, and all I know is that this ache in the center of my chest, this shortening of my breath, this tear that threatens to fall to my cheek, is over you.

And the doubts that have surrounded me

Are finding their way in

Why do I let you effect me this way? Why do I keep you so close to my heart? I should keep you away, never let you effect me in such a way that it shows on my face or in my actions. I should learn to control it, so why can't I? Because you're too important. Then again, would I want this emotion to stop? I would be dead inside. Perhaps it's better to feel anything, even pain, than to numb yourself from everything.

I keep it close to me

Like a holy man prays

In my desperate hour

It's better 

Better that way

I'm walking to the kissaten(1) where Quatre told me to meet him and Trowa. They're staying with each other these days. Why can't we be that close, Duo? Why can't we let them, or anyone else, for that matter, know that we're together? Why do you want to keep it a secret? The lights from the kissaten shine onto the icy sidewalk where I stand. Why does it have to be so cold out here? I push the door open and immediately spot Quatre and Trowa sitting in a dimly lit corner booth. Quatre waves to me. I nod my head at him and walk over, taking a seat in the booth next to Trowa. The waitress comes up to me, asking what I'd like.

"Burakku koohii o ippai kudasai(2)," I answer, and she brings it to me immediately. Quatre seems to be nervous about something and Trowa refuses to look at me. I can't help but wonder what's going on.

Quatre sniffs to get my attention, barely looking at me over the rim of his cup of tea. "I talked to Duo." There must be a look of surprise on my face, because there's also one on Quatre's. "I guess I should tell you before..."

So I'll come by and see you again

I'll be such a very good friend

He stops midsentence and stares at something over my left shoulder. I glance around, and there you are, glaring at me like I've never seen before. I try not to show how hurt it makes me feel when you do that. You take your seat across from me and start eating surume(3) set out on a plate in the center of the table. You're still glaring at me when you ask the entire cafe in general, "What is he doing here?"

Have mercy on my soul

I will never let you know

Where my mind has been

"I invited him here, Duo," Quatre says, placing his tea cup back on the saucer. You chew a little bit more, looking like you wish it were my face you were chewing into bits right now. It still hurts me to look at you. Why do you have to be so angry with me? I'm only human, but you, you're an angel.

Angels never came down

There's no one her they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

I can feel my throat clench up again, like it only does when you're around. I know what's coming next, so I get up from the table and go to the mens' bathroom. My own reflection greets me in the mirror, and I can see that my eyes are red and tired. I look as if I haven't had a moment of rest for days. Then I remember. I haven't. The past few nights, you and I have stayed up together. You've kept me awake all night. Whether it be talking, wrestling, or making love, you and I have both been awake for nearly a week now.

I've crept into your temple

I have slept upon your pew

Even when I finally did get sleep, it was never peaceful. You were always there in my dreams. You always kept me awake, even when I was asleep. And last night... Last night. I can't even remember if I ever actually fell asleep last night, or if I was awake, staring at the emptiness that occupied your place in the bed.

I have dreamed of the divinity

Inside and out of you

The door opens behind me and I immediately turn on the water in the sink and start splashing my face with it. I don't want anyone to see me looking like this. I ignore whoever it is that walks around behind me. They seem to be pacing behind me. "Just apologize, already."

Your voice startles me, and I bang my hand on the water faucet turning around. It hurts, but I ignore it. You're staring at me impatiently, and all I want to do is walk over to you and take you in my arms, but I can't. Instead, I clench my fists and stand my ground, trying to hold myself together while the water from my face drips onto the front of my shirt. "You should be apologizing to me."

You look confused, but I don't care if you are. You hurt me first, and that's all you need to know. "I don't care if you're sorry or not, but you have to say it."

I want it more than truth

I can taste it on my breath

You don't seem to be willing to apologize any more than I do, and you bite your bottom lip, still waiting for me to go first. I stare at your lips touching your teeth. Your lips are so beautiful to me and I can't help but want to apologize, if only to touch them. But I won't. You, Duo, my Angel of Death, will not get the best of me. I would give up my life for you, but never my pride. Yes, I do have pride, and I refuse to come crawling back as if I'm the one who is wrong.

I would give my life just for a little

A little death

Your imapatience grows when you realize I'm not going to do anything, and you leave the bathroom. I follow behind you a minute later, and return to my seat. You refuse to look at me. I can't blame you. I wouldn't want to look at a person like me, either. What kind of person am I? I can't be a good lover to you. I must seem as if I don't care about you one bit. Maybe it would be better if I weren't your lover. Maybe we should just be friends. If we could even manage that much.

So I'll come by and see you again

I'll be just a very good friend

I stare at you a moment, trying to get you to look at me, but you still refuse. That's alright, though. I'm happy just to look at you for now. I want to touch you. I want to feel your soft skin against my rough hands. I want to right now. I don't care if everyone else realizes we are more than friends. I just need to feel you next to me again. I need to know that you're still mine. But I can't. This is so frustrating, but I can't. I can't touch you. I can't apologize. I can't do anything.

I will not look upon your face

I will not touch upon your grace

Your ecclesiastic skin

If you only knew how much this hurts me, you would forgive me without me having to apologize. Why do we both have to be so stubborn? Why can't you just come back to me and be mine again? I can tell by the angry, disgusted look in your eyes. You don't want to be around me anymore. I should just leave.

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all,

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

I can't stand that look anymore. I throw some money onto the table and stand up. Quatre looks as confused as you do. "Thanks for inviting me out here, Quatre, but I need to get back. I've got some things to do tonight." He nods and looks sadly at his cup of tea. What does he have to be sad about? He's not the one who is being ignored by the one he loves. I do love you, Duo. And it was good to see you again, if only to have you ignore me to my face.

I'll come by and see you again

And I'll have to be a very good friend

I stop next to you before leaving, and lean in to whisper something to you, although what I'm planning, I myself am unsure of. Then I think better of it. You don't want anyone to know there's more to us than friendship, if even that. "Let's just keep this between us for now," you had said. I've done just that. I told you I would, and I've never told anyone. If I start acting so suspiciously around you, someone might realize... I lean down and scatch my leg instead.

If I whisper they will know

I leave the kissaten. 

I'll just turn around and go

No one will ever know, Duo.

You will never know my sin

It's still cold outside. Still icy, and I shiver as much from frustrated anger as from the cold. It's not a long walk back, but for me, it will be the longest walk away from you I've ever taken. Because I can never come back this time.

The door to the kissaten opens, I can hear the bell chiming in the distance, and I can't stop myself from hoping it's you running after me, but I won't turn around. I won't.

"Heero! Matte kudasai(4), Heero!" Of course, it's not you. It's Trowa, and he's running after me. I don't feel like talking to him right now, but I start walking back to him, wondering what he wants.

"Dammit, Heero. Do you think we don't know what's going on?"

I try to look genuinely confused. "Nani?(5)"

"You and Duo. Duo talked to Quatre, you know. Quatre told me. We know what you're upset about, but you two are being ridiculous about this."

Now I really am confused. Surprised and confused. Duo told Quatre. Duo didn't want anyone to know. "It's his fault..." that's all I can think of to say.

"Don't be so Japanese about this, Heero." I glare at him. "Don't forget. Duo is American. Just touching someone's face isn't considered cheating on someone. It's his heritage to be comforting."

"Comforting? He was... flirting!"

"Heero, he was touching that girl because she was upset. Because Duo told her he couldn't go on a date with her. That he had someone else who was much too important to him." So I was right. There is someone else. Trowa must know what I'm thinking, because he stomps his foot impatiently on the ground, which is completely opposite of what you'd expect from him. "Heero, he was talking about you!"

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

It takes a moment for this to sink in, but when it does, I leave Trowa behind and run back to the kissaten. You're still in the same booth, sitting next to Quatre. I don't hesitate a moment. I just do something totally American. I run over to you, grab your shoulders tightly and kiss you. You seem as surprised by this as I am. Your eyes remain open, as do mine, and neither of us really knows what to do. Quatre starts clapping excitedly. I guess he's glad we made up. "I'm sorry," I whisper after our lips seperate. "I was wrong."

You stare at me a moment and whisper, "I forgive you."

Maybe pride isn't something you should care so much about. Maybe sometimes you just have to let it go. Let go of all your doubts and hesitations. All of your suspicions and hasty conclusions. You just have to let them all go, and fall. Just let yourself fall in love and let it last.

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall.

Angels

I'm glad I finally decided to fall.

Angels would fall...

(1) A _kissaten_ is a type of coffee shop very common in Japan. They serve coffee, tea and snacks. Some are very up-market and serve delicious cakes and such on beautiful bone china.

(2) _I'd like a cup of black coffee, please._

(3) _Surume_ is a dried squid snack. Squid is pretty good, if you're willing to give it a try.

(4) _Wait! _or _Wait, please!_

(5) What?

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Well! I, myself, was surprised by how this turned out. I can still write! I can write, and have it mean something!! *slap* *bangs head against keyboard* Maybe I should go to bed early tonight...

Oyasumi nasai! (Good night!)


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